Hashtag: New Year Evolved Me

How am I transitioning into 2018?

Pretty darn well I’d say!  As I sat in the house on Sunday, December 31, 2017 contemplating whether I’d switch up my  New Year’s Eve ritual and go out for a night on the town, or do what I know best and stay in, I soon was in a back-and-forth rebuttal with my aunt for some nightly festivities. Here’s the thing, I don’t do long lines and cold weather well. So while she was trying to sway me her way, I could only think about my freezing limbs and said NOPE!

Funny enough, the two of us played this extended game of “lets go out/lets stay in” for nearly two hours (even switched roles for a bit, lol!)

So what did we do? I finally joined #teamporscha and agreed to get cute for a night out. The thing is, after we’d found plans, got dressed, and were ready to go–we both had changed our minds back to my original idea. So like I’ve done for the past decade (or literally all my life) I brought in the new year indoors with a loved one.  I’m not much of a party-goer (anymore) so staying in for holiday’s doesn’t really bother me.

While inside relaxing, I started to manifest my immediate goals for the new year. Asking myself what I wanted out of 2018. All of my goals are intended to make me a better me, as goals should do.

Yes, I have physical goals I set (like last year’s pushup goal I didn’t meet…but I’ll get to it in 2018) and emotional goals, and career goals. All of which I intend to fulfill to live my B E S T L I F E.

This year I’m working on forgiving myself. I’ve talked about forgiveness for those who’ve hurt me many a time and how I’d moved past the pain. What I didn’t realize was that I didn’t forgive myself for the circumstances I had put myself in.

newyear

At my last coffee date with my girls, we were catching up on life: grad school, therapy,  new living situations, relationships, general ups  and downs. Through her story, my sister-friend was discussing her journey with forgiving herself and my brain was like holy hell! I started replaying every “regret” or triggering situation I had been in and asked myself why it was still something that could set me off. It was because I hadn’t forgiven myself.

Without even realizing it, I had still been living in the past,emotionally, and telling myself that mentally I was over it and was fine. And it was convincing for the most part, because I had told myself if I don’t think about it, I won’t get angry about it. But the honest truth is that real healing and forgiveness will allow me to think about a situation that I’d allegedly grown past, and not let it affect me. And that wasn’t happening.

So much so that the thought of certain memories literally caused a physical disruption. As cliche as it sounds, I’m leaving attachments and regrets in 2017. I’m leaving the fallacy  that I own the rights to others: meaning that I’m working on understanding the only persona I control is self.

I’ve shared that my favorite tattoo is probably my ‘agape’ one that’s on my finger. With that in mind, I’ve transitioned into 2018 revisiting my sole reason for getting that specific tattoo in the first place. I yearn to love unconditionally, and with the right tribe around me I’ve been able to learn so much about unconditional love. I’m happy that I have friends who unashamedly share themselves with me, the good, the bad, the stank, the ugly.

They’ve helped me know love–romantic and platonic– through themselves.


A few other things I’m working on in 2018:

  • Reading 1 book a month (already completed January’s read:  James Baldwin’s The Fire Next Time)
  • Working out 4x/ week (a flat stomach is fine and dandy but I’m coming for definition in 2018!!)
  • Painting more
  • A second fitness certification (did you know I’m a certified Zumba instructor?)
  • Traveling of course (Austin, Dallas, Portland, Maryland, Philly are at the top of my list)
  • Publishing more books (simultaneously working on a few 😅)

Obviously these aren’t all my goals of the year, but some I thought you’d be interested in! What are you working on this year?

 

2 thoughts on “Hashtag: New Year Evolved Me

  1. Some of my goals for this year: 1) Work on wholeness through constant building up of character. 2) Financial Stewardship 3) Traveling within MO since I’m in school & broke lol. 4) Starting a blog. 5) Finish writing my devotional and actually complete it this year. It was a goal from 2017 but I sat it down due to life’s circumstances.

    Liked by 1 person

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